Emotionally Compromised
by Dr.Groovy
Summary: Spock becomes emotionally compromised and does not want to stay in starfleet. Jim must convince him to stay. But how? hmmm, I think you know how...SLASH! Rating is a bit of an exaggeration, but just to be safe...


"Spock, no!" Jim slammed his hand down on his desk for emphasis. "You cannot leave."

Spock looked calmly back at him from the other side of the quarters, which only served to infuriate the captain further. "Being an endangered species, the logical step is to return to our new planet and help rebuild our kind."

"But we need you here," Jim insisted angrily. _I need you_.

"You do not. You have a very capable crew and I can be easily replaced."

Jim stood abruptly at this, knocking his chair over in his haste. "Don't say that," He growled. "You know that's not true. I'm asking you as a friend."

"A friend, captain?" Something in Spock's eyes darkened slightly at this, but his face betrayed nothing.

Instinctively, Jim walked around his desk to stand directly in front of the Vulcan, whose jaw clenched tightly as he did so. Jim was not entirely sure what he would do once he was standing there. He had not really planned it through. He wasn't entirely sure if he would be able to control himself when Spock was within arms reach and they were completely alone, for that matter. But he would do his utmost best. One false move, and he would lose everything.

"Spock," He said, quietly, looking him directly in the eyes. "Have I done something to upset you?"

Spock took a moment to reply. "No, captain."

_Then why are you leaving me_? Jim's hurt and confusion were evident on his face. He knew it. "But you didn't want to leave when you first lost your planet. It's been like four months! Why now?" His voice most defiantly did _not_ just break. James Kirk's voice doesn't break. He glared at the floor. _Damn you, floor_.

"Captain," Spock murmured, so softly, Jim was not quite sure he had heard it. "Please. I don't wish to continue working in Starfleet. Live long and prosper."

With that, he turned and exited the captain's quarters.

As Spock hurried down the hall, his self-loathing increased with every step away from the captain's quarters. He hated himself for hurting Jim and for leaving him, but most of all, for becoming so emotionally compromised that he could no longer work with him. This was the only logical way out. He could not let himself fall in love with his captain. It was entirely illogical, not to mention inconvenient. The best solution was just to be far away from him and do a lot of meditation. Perhaps, one day, he would be able to stand in the same room with him and not feel as though the pent-up emotion inside might kill him.

He was almost at the beaming platform when a hand encircled his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. Without looking behind him, Spock knew who it was. Logically, it would be easy to wrench his hand away. Spock was quite superior in strength after all. But he found he lacked the proper energy, so he turned slowly to face his captain and was startled to see red rings around his eyes. Obviously, due to crying. Approximately 57.3 seconds of it. A sharp pang of guilt shot through him at this.

Suddenly, Spock was completely enveloped in a tight, brief hug. It was over far too quickly for Spock's liking and as Jim turned to leave, he felt it was imperative that he received more physical contact from his captain.

Without thinking, Spock's hand shot out and grabbed the captain's upper arm.

"Wait."

Spock slowly pulled Jim back and wrapped his own arms around him, burying his face into thick, blonde hair and breathing him deeply. Jim returned the hug with equal pace, his head fitting perfectly into the crook of Spock's neck.

Spock felt a warm contented sigh ghost over his ear and involuntarily shivered.

Finally, they broke apart just enough to look into each other's faces but still kept contact. Then Jim leaned forward, hesitantly, his lips parted. His eyes searched Spock's emotionless face for any sign that he should stop.

In response, Spock slid his hand delicately behind Jim's head and pulled him closer until their lips met.

Emotion flooded through Spock's mind as his thoughts blended into his captain's. And there was so much want, but he could not discern who it was coming from, and it really didn't matter because Jim's hands were touching his own and it felt so insanely good that he momentarily forgot where he was.

He stepped forward, guiding Jim until he was against the nearest wall and slid his hands under the front of the captain's shirt and evoking a low moan from the latter, without breaking the kiss.

Then he stopped. He brought his hands behind his back and stared at Jim. What was he doing? He was supposed to be leaving. This would only make it harder. They were both breathing heavily and raggedly, but Spock gathered every bit of Vulcan indifference he had left and kept a calm face.

"Captain," he said, controlling the emotion in his voice rather poorly.

"Ok, seriously Spock. You can call me Jim." He broke into a smile. "And there's absolutely no way you're leaving after that." He said taking Spock's hand and rubbing the palm with his thumb. "Don't go."

Spock was unable to stop the gasp that escaped him and had to close his eyes to regain sanity. "I-Is that an order, Captain?" He managed to choke out.

"No." Kirk said quietly. "I won't force you to stay." He let Spock's hand drop lightly back to his side. Spock ached to reestablish the contact. "But if you leave, I don't know what I'll do with myself. I'll probably just follow you." He added with a half-hearted laugh.

"That will not be necessary, Jim." Spock's eyes glistened as he watched the captain take in what he was saying. It took a moment. Then Jim blinked and stepped toward Spock. "It would be impossible for me to leave at this time."

"Oh?" Jim smirked and took another step in his commander's direction. "Now, why is that, Spock?"

"I love you."

It was stated so simply and easily, that both men were taken aback. Then Jim grasped Spock's face in both hands and kissed him roughly. The sentiment was returned with unexpected force and Jim thought his legs might give out due to the combination of relief and sheer glee and he wondered why it had taken them so long to do this. Flashes of Spock's mind flew through his own, letting him know just how equally turned on his commander was. At this, Jim could not help but smile against Spock's mouth as he murmured, "I love you too, Spock."


End file.
